590.

581. The Youngs Modulus of a rule is the reason for which you break it.
582. What part of the word "Unmitigated disaster" didn't you understand?
583. Thanks to jingling keys and remote desktop connection, here are the days when one says, "Whew!! I'm done for the day "in this lab"".
584. An anonymous feeling best explained by the phrase, "Calm as a clam chowder"

585. It's always the one that doesn't count yours really counts!

586. Does your biological clock fail to wake you up early?. No problem. Try our awesome plan of skipping dinner and drinking lots of water. This way you have to wake up either running to the kitchen or to the restroom.

587. Thanks to Donovan, today is commemorated as the national free booze day in the US.

588. Wayne Rooney broke David Blaine's record of doing nothing inside the box for about a month.

589. There are two outcomes of a game. We can win or we can lose. Today we saw the third kind - we can pretty much also fuck up! (Game of UKCC against Gahana CC)

590. And one of the refs said, "I've got three yellows and two reds. Full House in your face!"